Im sitting in the car alone right now
I wanted to be alone and get in touch with the emotions I’ve been too busy to let myself feel
Alone with no solitude sometimes in New York
I can sit in my room and sing about him
him who never sings about me
him who doesn’t think about me
It’s what I’ve derived from the way he treats me
But he’s too blind to see
too dumb to notice
And that’s probably why she left him
He tried to warn her sooner, those times he left her, a sweet heart from what I’ve derived.
But honestly I don’t feel about him the way I used to
He isn’t any of those things, he works a blue collar job, surrounded by others who build walls and lay pipes around themselves
So no one can see them, or see what’s inside them.
So they hide inside, looking at TVs instead of through windows
Painting over the holes in the walls they build.
And that’s not a lover for me.
Nor are the ones who long to touch me. Initially they want to
And it seems them spend all their thought on that initial attraction.
I want them to touch me deeper
To forget about the flesh and get through to my heart and my mind
To touch what really yearns to be touched
Not my flowers that they can’t even make bloom
But the stems that holds them
The leaves that sustain them
To imagine what the roots are like
The sun and the water I get from God
And it’s nice to be growing by His grace and mercy
No man in the world can do that
So I yearn not for someone to help me grow cause I have the best One doin that
The One most suited for that.
I’m not looking for someone who can grow me.
I’m looking for someone who can grow with me, and appreciate what He’s grown and why I decided this is the way I’d like to be grown, why this is the way I decided to be.
Someone who’s willing to do that.
And he wasn’t.
He didn’t appreciate my flowers or stems or leaves or roots.
He did however want to grow stronger with me, and that was nice.
But outside of that he directed his leaves toward vices like alcohol and weed
Numbing his self so he couldn’t feel what I wanted to let him feel
He was closed off, satiated with such fleeting fruit.
And God blinded him from seeing how full he could be with me
Because he would’ve eaten my fruit and picked my petals
And he made me feel loved when that felt so rare
But it isn’t rare anymore
Everyone can make me feel like that
It was weird when it started happening before I was ready to accept it
Now I feel my flowers blooming
My fruits so full and ripe, only to get fuller and riper with each harvest-each painting or piece of art I present.
My emotions are strong, they’ve been very positive lately.
My gratitude for my Lord is not enough for what it is worth.
How could it be? When he does all this for me and here I am not being enough for Him but it’s from His mercy alone that I feel as successful as I do.
That I am as successful as I am.
It is from Him not me
I didn’t make the sale or create the beautiful piece
I didn’t make the home for myself or find it myself
It all came to me because God allowed it to be for me and I took it. And in return I offer him my prayer and worship. And He always has given me what I deserved and needed, and now I am doin what I can meet Him.
Please Oh God
Help me on this journey to succeed.
Enriching the loves of others through art
Enriching those that wish to be enriched. Help me help them.
Help them through me
Help my family
I’m open to receiving Your enrichment